Weightless

 

My mother's story is not an easy one to tell. It is entrenched in the weight of love and loss. Yet in her I see such beauty, strength, and capability.

 

I am witness to the magnitude of these lives before me and am reminded to be grateful, act with compassion, and never assume to understand the brevity of the things another life carries.

 

These things we each carry; emotional momentos of love and loss; can define us, both good and bad. In one moment what we carry can force us to be courageous resulting in cathartic empowerment. Yet if gone unchecked these things we carry can gain enough momentum to devour and destroy us. 

 

It is impossible to fully fathom the weight of those things my mother carries. She has felt great loss and bathed in sorrows aftermath. Today, her birthday, if there was only one gift I could give, it would be, if but for a brief moment, to carry the weight of her life. And in that moment of release and acceptance, embrace a chance to exhale.

     

Open Book

 

Our daily rhythm has changed as a new school year begins. Ninty days of summer here and gone. Stolen with it are the easy mornings where children patter around outside in their pajamas, late night star gazing, and a mission in life to do absolutely nothing. Yet, it is so wonderful to watch these young lives, the open books they are, full of empty pages waiting for them to write their stories. 

 

 

Hank 2nd Grade

 

                                Elea Kindergarten

Silence

      There are those moments as a parent when with a sudden jolt you realize things are curiously a bit too quite. You stop what you are doing and immediately go into recon mode setting out to uncover the mystery behind the household silence. Today, as I turned the corner prepared to walk out the front door on a search and recovery mission, I was startled to find our own resident mad scientist busy as could be creating a mechanical masterpiece. With brow furrowed deep in thought, to him it was of no consequence he was in his skivvies parked in front of a wide open front door.  At six he is well versed in creating a closed circuit capable of making multiple buzzers, lights, and bells simultaneously alarm. A bright bulb this middle child of mine. Now if I can only get him to test out the mechanics of that crazy little lever on the toilet when done using it.      

Fish Kiss

 

 

Bunny has this uncanny ability to make the funniest of faces. Drippy nose and all, I couldn't resist but give in to a request for a "fishy kiss".  This girl of mine is at one moment loving and syrupy sweet, the next witty beyond her years, and at times stubborn with the conviction of Charlton Heston defending his right to bear arms. Parenting a child with such turbulent mood swings is nothing less than a full on carnival ride. But, come fall our house will be quite for the first time in seven years. Bunny will start kindergarten, a milestone of independence as she embarks on her educational quest. And while PapaMiller is concerned I may have lost my marbles, it is undeniable, I will miss the chaotic whirlwind following her from room to room. Thus, I have been busy embracing these last few days with just her at home. Only four more days of school and for The Menagerie 100 Days of Summer begins.

Hawaii Day 4: Sunblocked Poolside

 

One of the most beautiful aspects of Hawaii, is Hawaiian time. While most of the tourist industry strives to meet the needs of it's customers, the locals truly hope visitors slow down and adopt a more leisurely laid- back attitude. On our drive from the airport to the condo, our taxi driver educated us on Hawaiian time.  Reminding us there is so much to do and see but really the luxury of an island vacation is to throw away the schedule and relax. So other than the two days we needed to be up to catch a shuttle, I found myself  out on the lanai reading, cup of coffee in hand, until both Monkey and Bunny were awake.   

 

While we didn't plan out each day rigorously, we arrived on the island with a "to do" wish list. We choose to stay at the Aston Waikiki Banyan because when we mapped out our wish list it truly was at the epicenter. From the Banyan everything was either within walking distance, easily accessible by city bus/trolley, or a short shuttle drive. But, regardless of where we meandered each morning we always ended up poolside by mid afternoon.

Bunny amazed us all with her growing confidence in the water. This time last year, Bunny had such a fear of the water she spent the first half of her swimming lessons actively playing out Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief.   

And Hank made his official debut as Aqua Man. He too has come a long way over the last year, finally learning how to hold his breath while underwater without engulfing half of the pool. This small skill has opened up a whole new world for him as he spends most of his time submerged. As a family of Army soldiers, with three West Point graduates within the ranks, I shutter at the thought he might be the first to attend the United States Navel Academy...wouldn't that make for an interesting Army Navy game day.

During our vacation to San Diego last year, we all succumbed to sunburn- even with what I felt was diligent sunblock applications. The sun in Hawaii is reported to be three times stronger than in Southern California. This information combined with our history in sunny climates, is enough to cause trepidation for any mother of pale skinned Norwegian Pollock's. Because it had been almost six months since Bunny and Monkey's skin had seen the light of day, they were forced to humor me during my mandatory two hour sunblock applications. PapaMiller on the other hand, who likes to bask in the sun like a human solar panel, declined stating, "I'm working on my base". Too bad his base will be covered up by long underwear until mid June when temperatures in Minnesota consistently reach that of Waikiki. 

 

When it was time to head home, our "to-do" wish was only half crossed off. As I reflect on our time spent, I do not have regrets. While it is true we did not see all of the wonderful cultural landmarks the Hawaiian Islands offer, these two laughed and giggled their way through everyday. Sitting back and watching them frolic, play, and explore the island at their own pace was priceless. In the end, I think Omar the Taxi Driver would be proud knowing we threw our schedule out the window and embraced the luxury of relaxation. 

Hawaii Day 3: Itzy Bitzy Teeny Weeny Green Polka Dot Tankini

         7/52: A picture of my children once a week every week in 2014.

You know you have become "that mother", when you go swim suit shopping and find yourself asking the prepubescent Target employee, trying to pass herself off as a sales clerk, where the non-kiddie porn bathing suits are. This year, new older hair cut and all, Bunny desperately wanted a bikini. She didn't hold back letting me know she was going to be five. I waited patiently for, "everyone else is doing it". But apparently that will come later, maybe at six. And, I can honestly say  based on my alarm at the two band aids and light day maxi pad they pass off as a swim suit these days, I am now officially classified as a prude. So using my stealth diplomatic cajoling, we walked out of the store with out a one piece, or a bikini, but a "your belly button can take a wee little peak at the sun" tankini.         

Hawaii Day 2: Welcome to the Jungle

When we told some of our friends we were going to Hawaii, their excitement was invigorating. Hawaii is a beautiful place, so dramatically different from the terrain of America's Midwest. Friends who had ventured to Hawaii themselves were eager to share their memories. These conversations only added to our excitement. Many asked us where we would be staying, we readily reported Waikiki on the island of Oahu. Suddenly the gauntlet was open and the negative remarks became overwhelming.

Initially, I began to question our decision but it was hard for me to imagine any tropical paradise as unwelcoming. As my children grow and we travel more I want them to experience a variety of places, people, and cultures. I understand and empathize with the allure a pristine secluded all inclusive resort offers. Free from trash, homelessness, and void of crime. But what does that say to my children? Homelessness doesn't stop because our entitlement enables us to shutout those things we find ugly or disparaging.

In the end the unsolicited negative commentary about Waikiki was disheartening, and I tried to only embrace the excitement of those who, like me, were simply ecstatic by the notion of a tropical vacation. 

    
After our epic flight, and a small car rental debacle, we reached our accommodations. I only needed to step out onto our lanai to realize for this urban loving family our decision to stay in Waikiki was on the mark. As I stood on the lanai to my left a beautiful ocean view, to my right a view of the Waianae Mountain Range, and directly in front of me the amazing urban jungle of Waikiki. Trifecta Perfecta!

And at the end of each day, when Monkey and Bunny were finally asleep, the sun resting from a long day of bronzing sunbathers, I would go out on the lanai and sit utterly captivated. To seal the deal, it amazed me how a city of such girth and florescent brilliance could make way for the angelic chorus of a church choir a full block away.